And when the sun sets on brighter days, we'll know who the victor is..

let it be known that my reign doesnt end here

This fire is hot

I cant help but feel very angry at the moment. I feel as if im being ignored or overlooked. I also feel like no one cares or that I'm just too unstable to be trusted. I dont like this at all but what i do know at the moment is that i am doing a good job of staying on task and trying to create a vision for my future.  I'm so pissed off about how people treat me and im so pissed that its very hard to advance. I wont let this stop me and i will do all that i can with in my power to push myself forward. I dont like this feeling and I'm done with it. I need to build capital and invest in myself and future business/careers now. Once i get these going i can build from them. My t-shirt company and mobile food company have a low over head cost so im more than sure that for under 5k i can get both started up and introduced to the public. I'm going to make a list of materials needed to get them going and build out from there. Im also going to need to get a stable place to sell both items side by side. Once i use my green money and get that all saved up i know i can make a huge push to network and sell my gear.i need this steady flow of money and design to come together because I've been waiting too fuckin long for alot and its time for me to change everything. I'm tired of being so chill and under the radar. Its time for me to be the man people look to. I should be more and have more. I should be the one people talk about. I'm just so angry that things have been difficult to manage at times but i doing what i can to put my mind to work and excute all these steps so that i can create my future. I'm ready to start...time is slowly lining things up. Once i get my 2 bedroom condo or house then ill finally have the space needed to create my dreams....its time. No more waiting. No more what ifs. Take a chance, make money, save, design, then invest into my projects. The rest will come in time. This fire is going to lead myself into the right direction and from there i will not look back. My anger and demand for respect will push my progress forward. The time is coming....i know it...i feel it.

Just a few steps

So ive been back at djing and collecting tracks the past two weeks. Its so strange to see my maturity in the process of collecting tracks and even now i have a good state of being aware when spinning. It's a better understanding than what i had lf myself and of my equipment from a long time ago. I feel confident with where im at an i think i can really grow from here. My next goals are to get into a new condo and also get some pioneer equipment to expand my skills. Once i do that I'm gonna get my grow operation going and fund my dreams. If i can produce enough money to get my dreams going as well as put myself back in school then i can really be a force and be the person I've been dreaming of being. Things are slowly coming along and i know i can make this happen. Just a few more steps and the doors will be unlocked to true success. No one can feel what i feel but even on my shitty days i can feel that im almost there. Its so weird but I'm about there. Gotta keep my head on right and grind this shit out. Ill have some rough patches but here we go to gettin it going. Success is just a few jumps away and I'll make it right there. Fuck yea!!! A few months more and the foundation will be laid for success.

How it looks now

Well ive completed WLC and ive got a good amount of goodies to add to my collection. Life is decent and im stable its just that i know i should be further along.  School is gonna have to start up again and im going to need to finish this degree so that i can move on and make other plans. There are women around but none i truly call or beckon for. I guess because i havent made a decision. Ive been looking for one to call that inspires me...maybe im being picky. Maybe im unfocused. I will revise my findings and attack. Right now im so out of focus and it feels strange. In a months time or so i will need to find a new home. Efren is leaving towards where he works now and that isnt the biggest part. My life isnt what it use to be with out biew. Shes still in my mind even though i try to move forward. Maybe its not sure but shes still in my head. I waste all this time trying to be cool and liked and for what? I really just want to be a one woman show.....she was my everything. I will continue to better myself but still as the waves settle i always tend to think of her. Im such a fuckin fool. So many of these women are a waste.....or is it that im not putting enough effort? I dont know but sometimes i feel lots of the chemistry is off. They aren't my priority.....maybe thats what it is. Pick one and stick to her.....or is it something else??? I dont know...but fuck this game of chance. What i do know is that someone will show up because i always make effort to meeting new women....its just that im waiting till we match and it takes off from there. I must show more effort to win one over....whether its christine or someone else...i know im missing some steps. Ive gotta make a path and write this down. The more i know the better ill be able to make a choice. Im a bit of a mess but i want to be so much more than that. Its time to put myself back together before i lose it. I dont want to live as a failure and measuring by my actions as of late i need to take more thorough paths and consistently work on progress. Put time aside for personal advancement and less time for activities that just fill time. Language and skill set time will make me more in life.....self taught skills to boost my money and travel.  In between finishing my degree i will focus on things like this and push ahead. Nerd out to become something great. 30 is new light...i will be just that. Expand my mind as well as get fit. I miss my biew and ive gotta elevate myself. This is my time....i must be reborn again and take one these challenges. It is the only way i become more than the rest. One skill at a glad i came to write here after months because i feel like ive found my way again. I want to love biew again but i know i needed a reminder of who i am and where im going. Focus in with lazer precision and expand the mind and crafts....its time for the next progression.i am found. I am new and i am ready to rebuild what was once lost in the mix. Its my time . knowledge and love will be the new priority. I will finish the fun out and then shift into this new phase. It must be done.....

heavy load
I keep circling thoughts and my imagination runs wild with great ideas. I'm hoping that what I imagine is what I can actually achieve. I'm tired of waiting and I know I'll need to give myself a fighting chance at everything. I hope setting up this new venture give me the fighting chance to create some good for my future. It's not the material possessions but to alter my path into a certain greatness. I'm unhappy with what I have now and although I'm sustaining a decent life I wish to give myself and my loved ones a bright future. Now I will follow through with dudiligence to carve a better to stack chances in my favor. One by one add cards to my hand and keep a steady press my way towards a greater purpose. My ideas are setting and funding will be pending. I must take my steps and as I do I know my focus and strength will grow. I can't wait any longer.... I won't.

the choice of change

I've made a choice and it is clear. It may not be the right one but it will develop the rest of my story. I'm tired of waiting and after I begin the process and master it there will be nothing that will hold me back to getting a better life. I've waited calmly so long and no one will help me get that life. So I will relentlessly chase after that new life and make it become so much more. I've waited annnnnd waited. Now I will push all distractions aside and move in a better direction for myself so that some day I can find peace,clarity and the path to make myself happy. I want that so bad so that I can always have a smile on my face. As of now I'm in and out of happiness. I can't wait anymore so piece by be piece I will change my life yet again. The time had come to take a chance, the time has come to make a large move. An update of mass movement is now underway. Victory and positive change are mine.

Everlasting drive

I have a feeling inside that feels unmatched. One that will take me towards my brightest days. I am tested each and every way but I am not discouraged. Persistence and consistency are my watch worth. I hope to someday be the man I've envisioned in my dreams. I know I am on my way but the road is tough and I have much more work to get done. No this isn't and never will be perfect but someday I'll reach the level I seek to live in. It hasn't been an easy road but I hope my story ends in victory and success. My heart is happy in small moments and always shall be but if I could work hard and obtain those great big things I could prove to myself and many that it's possible to get anywhere off inner strength. Never give up....never let go. With each breath I try to find a way forward. I will push myself as far as I can go and enjoy each lil step along the way. Open minds and open that I will press till my last day.


Beauty in imperfection

There's a beauty that lies in imperfection that some fail to see everyday. As I see it I would just like to be happy each day and be with someone who makes sense for me and my life. Some one who helps me put the pieces together and drifts with me to a great place. Every day I search and even though I'm in a situation who's to say that this is it. I'm not sure my self but I see the beauty around and with that gives me hope of a new and bright day. Struggles come and go. They always present themselves but that doesn't stop me from moving forward and planing ahead for the future. Hurdles will always be in the way but I can't wait till knock each one down and claim what's mine. Beauty and happiness are something i strive to have and hold. It won't be long till i have it all locked in. Just gotta go thru the process. After the hard work unfound beauty will pop up in my hands and the rest will be history. One thing to the's a tough path but I'm on my way. I won't let up and I'll be happy with the unseen and unfound because I know it's something that will appreciate me. Onward to new the next chapter... I'm always ready and I always work to the next thing.


Stick to the plan

Same party different day
I'm not about chasing the party on the daily and now that I'm coming into this niche I'm making a path for myself. One focused on the continued success of my hobbies and ways to help me rise from the ash. In time I know I'll be able to achieve these marks one at a time. I know my work ethic is steady and I must continue to push myself even if and when someday I no longer where the uniform I wear now. I'm digging into thing I know that can help me provide for myself and my future and these are all things I know I can enjoy for the rest of my life. The push for all these has started and it continues to grow as I make my way through school as well as focus on my hobbies and collect materials. No my path is not perfect but atleast I make things interesting and keep moving ahead. I cannot quit and I know someday many things will funnel through me but only after I do all the hard work will people gather my way once more. I will fight for that day because I know rightfully so I deserve that kind of joy and accomplishment in my life.


Weight of the world

Feels like so much has me weighed down.....I just need a second to breathe. Maybe a few to be calm and gather myself. Following that I will attack my issues and move forward.

It's time to:
Mix and drop new radio show
And rank up at drill.

Things will slowly work themselves out, I just need to keep making steps possible so that I may make it to the next level. After school is complete no one else will be able to stop me....I'm ready to move forward.


Never give in....always push forward

The struggle is real
Distractions are many
Pain is temporary
Hurdles and side trails are often
Attitude and misdirection come and go
Jealousy and envy are definite
And so much to be learned

All this and I'm still going to make it past the hardship. I don't have a choice. I'm not going to lay down and let all the craziness crush me. I'm just gonna adapt and overcome. I'm better than this and I know it. Can't wait till victory is mine. I'm going to show myself right.



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